Joke of the Day
- Thread starter icepir8
- Start date
ok another super hero joke
superman was once flying one day and he flew by the hall of justice and he saw wonderwoman with her legs spread apart and naked. so superman decided to go in for it. so he did it really quickly without wonderwoman noticing. so he flew away, and than wonderwoman asked "whats wrong invisible man?" and i-man goes "i dont know but my ass really hurts."
superman was once flying one day and he flew by the hall of justice and he saw wonderwoman with her legs spread apart and naked. so superman decided to go in for it. so he did it really quickly without wonderwoman noticing. so he flew away, and than wonderwoman asked "whats wrong invisible man?" and i-man goes "i dont know but my ass really hurts."
DeadRabbit
Emutalk Janitor
A dustman is going along the street picking up the wheely bins and emptying them into his dustcart.
He gets to one house where the bin has not been left out so he has a quick look for it in the front garden and then in the back
garden. Still not being able to locate the bin he knocks on the door.
No answer, so he knocks again.
Eventually a Japanese bloke answers.. "Harro" says the jappy chappy.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke looking perplexed.
Realising that the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and says "No mate, where's your dustbin ?"
"I dust bin on toilet, I told you" says the Japanese bloke.
"Mate" says the binman, "You misunderstand me. Where's your wheely bin?"
"Ok.. Ok.." says the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank"
He gets to one house where the bin has not been left out so he has a quick look for it in the front garden and then in the back
garden. Still not being able to locate the bin he knocks on the door.
No answer, so he knocks again.
Eventually a Japanese bloke answers.. "Harro" says the jappy chappy.
"Alright mate, where's your bin?" asks the dustman.
"I bin on toilet" replies the Japanese bloke looking perplexed.
Realising that the Japanese fellow has misunderstood, the binman smiles and says "No mate, where's your dustbin ?"
"I dust bin on toilet, I told you" says the Japanese bloke.
"Mate" says the binman, "You misunderstand me. Where's your wheely bin?"
"Ok.. Ok.." says the Jap, "I wheely bin having wank"
Last edited:
RPGlover12
New member
hey guys continue on this thread revive it coz it was cool i dont think nobody dont have any jokes anymore
OP
icepir8
Moderator
- Thread Starter
- #47
My wife and I were watching a show on The Learning Channel titled, "A Dog's World."
One segment focused on dogs practice of urinating everywhere to define who they are and whose territory it is, among many other things. "Basically," the narrator said, "dogs are leaving each other messages."
I looked at my wife and said, "So I guess we could call it p-mail."
One segment focused on dogs practice of urinating everywhere to define who they are and whose territory it is, among many other things. "Basically," the narrator said, "dogs are leaving each other messages."
I looked at my wife and said, "So I guess we could call it p-mail."
OP
icepir8
Moderator
- Thread Starter
- #49
A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to NY and then on West to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.
They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.
For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.
They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach... only to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to NY and then on West to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.
They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.
For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.
They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.
They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach... only to find the remains of the Russian.
One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"
"Of course," the other ranger nodded. "The Czech is in the male."
OP
icepir8
Moderator
- Thread Starter
- #52
Ten signs you're exhausted ...
You're so tired you now answer the phone "hell"
You're best friend calls to ask how you've been and you immediately scream" get off by back, BITCH"
Your garbage can is you're "in" box
You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care
You have so much on you're mind that you've forgotten how to pee
Visions of the up coming weekend help you make it through Monday
You sleep more at work than you do at home
You leave for a party and instinctively bring you're briefcase
Your day-timer exploded a week ago
You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now ...
You're so tired you now answer the phone "hell"
You're best friend calls to ask how you've been and you immediately scream" get off by back, BITCH"
Your garbage can is you're "in" box
You wake up to discover that your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care
You have so much on you're mind that you've forgotten how to pee
Visions of the up coming weekend help you make it through Monday
You sleep more at work than you do at home
You leave for a party and instinctively bring you're briefcase
Your day-timer exploded a week ago
You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now ...
OP
icepir8
Moderator
- Thread Starter
- #53
My new work philosophy:
Always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And remember...
When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.
Now get back to work.
Always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Fridays
And remember...
When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, remember it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.
Now get back to work.
DuDe
Emu64 Staff
A guy comes to a parachuting course. Well, the instructor tells them about the procedure : you jump, you wait a few seconds, and then pull the main parachute`s string. So the guy asks : "What do I do if it doesn`t work?"
The instructor says : "You pull the reserve parachute string".
The guy asks again : "And what if this one doesn`t work either?"
Instructor : "Well, you gotta grab your balls, and squeeze them as hard as you can".
Guy(buffled) : "What? Why?"
Instructor : "Because you`re sure as hell won`t need them anymore".
The instructor says : "You pull the reserve parachute string".
The guy asks again : "And what if this one doesn`t work either?"
Instructor : "Well, you gotta grab your balls, and squeeze them as hard as you can".
Guy(buffled) : "What? Why?"
Instructor : "Because you`re sure as hell won`t need them anymore".
RPGlover12
New member
LMAODuDe said:
. good one dude
Rocketman_mab
New member
Two newly retired friends go hunting out in the middle of nowhere in a big forest. They have to walk a long ways to get to their blinds and about half the way there one of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground. The other one rushes to him and realizes that he is not breathing and he has no heartbeat.
Immediately, the guy wips out his cell phone and dials 911. The operator on the line says, "Now calm down sir. You say he is not breathing and there's no heartbeat."
"Yes." the man replies.
The operator then says, "First you have to make sure he's dead."
There was a long pause and then the operator heard a loud bang on the other end.
The man returned to the phone and said, "Okay now what?"
Immediately, the guy wips out his cell phone and dials 911. The operator on the line says, "Now calm down sir. You say he is not breathing and there's no heartbeat."
"Yes." the man replies.
The operator then says, "First you have to make sure he's dead."
There was a long pause and then the operator heard a loud bang on the other end.
The man returned to the phone and said, "Okay now what?"
OP
icepir8
Moderator
- Thread Starter
- #59
Three priests went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and were exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area, a group of ladies came along from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, two of the priests covered their privates, but the third one covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the first two priests asked the third why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The third replied, "I do not know about you, but in my congregation, it is my face they would recognize."
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom". As they were crossing an open area, a group of ladies came along from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, two of the priests covered their privates, but the third one covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the first two priests asked the third why he covered his face rather than his privates.
The third replied, "I do not know about you, but in my congregation, it is my face they would recognize."