Here are some actual label instructions on consumer
goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (just a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot
after heating." (oh...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only." (as opposed to where?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
other use."
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame
the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of
this happening somewhere?)
goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase
necessary. Details inside (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular
soap."
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion:
Defrost." (just a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do
not turn upside down."
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:"Product will be hot
after heating." (oh...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car
or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with
head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or
outdoor use only." (as opposed to where?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the
other use."
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly
Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame
the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain
with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of
this happening somewhere?)
