In Thread Version
Martin Nathell IRC Act 2002
*FOR THE FULL VERSION SEE ZIP FILE*
Our Motto Is:
“All channel users are equal. But some channel users are more equal than others.”
Exceptions:
Any clauses marked * are not applicable to channel OPs.
Section 1) ‘Anti’
1. Anti-Martinisms*
Anti-Martinisms are strictly prohibited. Use of anti-Martinisms is severally punishable under IRC law and can result in up to a 1 minute ban. Repetitive anti-Martinisms can result in a 15 minute ban.
2. Anti-Emulation64
Being anti-Emulation64 can result in sever punishment including, but not limited to a permanent arse spanking administered personally by the head of the Martin Nathell Punishment Authority.
3. Anti-Nintendo
If a member of the channel is unjustifiably anti-Nintendo, sever punishments may be administered. These are limited to anal penetration and ass spooning by the Martin Nathell Punishment Authority.
Section 2) Equal Rights
Please note that equal rights do not apply to AOL users. See Section 3.
1. Racism
Racism is not tolerated at all. Punishments include permanent expulsion from the channel and violent anal penetration of your arsehole by a member of the Martin Nathell Punishment Authority.
2. Sexism
Sexism is illegal unless you are male. Females are answerable directly to the head of channel (as elected by the electorate).
3. Ageism
Making fun of saggy, smelly, dirty and crumbly old people is a perfectly legitimate form of free speech. For the purpose of governmental operations, anyone over the age of 40 is permanently referred to as ‘saggy, smelly, dirty and crumbly’.
4. Sexual Preference
Your sexual preference, be it male or female, hamster or giraffe, Martin or Aprentice, should in no way act as a discriminatory feature whilst in the channel.
Section 3) AOL
1. Promoting AOL
Anyone promoting AOL will automatically be branded an ‘idiotic retard’ and is eligible to full expulsion from the channel. This may also apply to
Section 4) Emulation & Gaming
1. GameCube*
Anyone proclaiming to have invented a GameCube emulator before 2004 will be banned instantly and hung up by their testicles (if male) or breasts (if female) for anything between 24 and 72 hours.
2. Promoting XBOX
Promoting the Microsoft ‘XBOX’ console is a legitimate reason for permanent expulsion not only from the channel, but also Earth. ‘N00bies’ promoting the ‘XBOX’ are particularly at risk.
Section 5) Netiquette
1. Hatters
‘Hatters’ was originally a term devised by illiterate members of the Emulation64 community who found it impossible to spell ‘Haters’. Thus ‘Hatters’ should now replace the word ‘Haters’ whenever possible.
2. Big Text*
Any channel members who use the ‘/big’ command during peak hours (14:00 – 24:00 GMT) will automatically find themselves banned for up to 24 hours.
Although OPs are not subject to this clause, they are advised not to overuse the command as it will cause severe irritation, both in the form of pubic hair irritation and mental irritation.
3. Respect OPs
OPs control the channel and so you are advised not to irritate or be rude towards them. It is at the OPs discretion what punishments may be carried out for being disrespectful.
Section 6) Abusing OP Powers
1. Non-OPs Accusing OPs
Accusing an OP of abusing their powers shall be considered an ultimate act of treason. You will be spanked, banged, gagged, kicked and banned by the RJXXX department of the Martin Nathell Punishment Authority.
2. OPs Accusing OPs
OPs accusing OPs of misconduct or abusing their powers may have their case heard by the Supreme Martin Nathell Court of Justice based in Sweden. Members of the court include, and are limited to Martin Nathell.
Alternatively, if Martin Nathell appears to be biased, ‘slow on the uptake’ or speaks Svenska too much, you may bypass the court and compete in a banning duel. The winner’s opinion reigns supreme.
Section 7) Channel Statistics
1. Updating Statistics
Anyone repeatedly asking to have the statistics updated may find themselves bent over backwards by Martin Nathell while another person crawls up their rectum. You really do not want to see Martin get ‘stats mad’.
2. Influencing Statistics
Anyone trying to unfairly influence the channel statistics by repetitive use of keywords on the same line or multiple lines, or by using multiple lines to make up one sentence unnecessarily may be subject to some S & M punishment.
Section 8) Appeal
All bans and punishments may be appealed. Contact your nearest OP for details.
